just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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