after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
