bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
