i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You smell like stripper and shame
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
