I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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