break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
