Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
