Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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