I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize