First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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