I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
only if we run a train.
done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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