I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
