Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
