I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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