i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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