But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
