as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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