it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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