so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
