Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
