So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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