doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
