Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
