He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
