It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
