i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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