You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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