i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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