Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
