We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As shirtless as possible
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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