Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
