My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
