tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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