So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
