Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
