My friends, they love my intelligence
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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