You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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