The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
