you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
