her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize