I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
