i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
