her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
