Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
