If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
