You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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