for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
