is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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