I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
