He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
