His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
