He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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