wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
