you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
