I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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