you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
