I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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