I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
