they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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