Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
