i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
