she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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