haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
