singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Someone signed my nipple.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
