Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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