Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
