I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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