omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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