Jerry, you need to find god
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
