Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
