in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
